Lately I have been thinking. There has been lots on my mind. Its a feeling that there just is not enough of me or what there is just isn't enough.
When I am with my girls I wonder if they know how much I love them? I would do anything for them - always. Then sometimes my patience gets stretched - I can yell - I can say mean things - I can become this crazy lady that even I am unfamiliar with. I hate that. These moments leave me feeling less than perfect.
When I am with my husband I wonder if he knows how much a appreciate him. I love him. He is my rock. He gets me through and through. We are comfortable. I forget to shave my legs. I wear my sweat pants too often. I wear granny panties. I brush him off to deal with the kids. Am I enough of a wife? Do I put enough into our relationship? Those moments leave me feeling less than perfect.
When I am at work I feel good. I really like my job. I like having a career outside the home. I like knowing I give families who have a child with a delay or newly found diagnosis hope. I feel bad I am spending time with other children. I spend more hours in a week working than with my own children. Work causes me stress. My kids spend 3 long days a week in daycare. These feelings leave me feeling less than perfect.
When I think about myself...............It gets blurry. Yes, I am a mom, wife and professional, but what about me. I haven't shopped in months. Hair appointments are few and far between. I've put on weight. I haven't read a book in forever. I struggle to keep up with my bestest friends. Again, I feel far less than perfect.
So - I am working on accepting this. Sorting out whats important and what I can let fall to the waist side. I am trying my best - figuring it out - balance. Learning that its not about being perfect, but living and loving the best I can - and doing it with a purpose.
The "not so perfect" family photo
